I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
