Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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