She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
