you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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