i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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