Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
