Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
