i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
