His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
