Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the day after is always just damage control
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
