her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
