That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
