I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize