I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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