4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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