I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
