My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
