2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
