Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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