Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
