just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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