dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
