Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
