She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
