dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
