Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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