# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sober January is a disaster.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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