Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
