is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
