I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
