He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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