I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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