I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
