so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
