If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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