Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
