forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
