wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
