What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
