i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
