Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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