You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
