I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
