Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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