sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
