Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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