i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
