What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
