Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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