I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just threw up on my dentist
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
