yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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