So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
