I wish I could teleport
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
