oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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