Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
