help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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