Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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