Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
