she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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