remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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