I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have feelings that need drinking.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize