I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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