Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
