if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
