i think my tv is drunk
my shit smells like andre
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
