would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
