you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
