I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
