hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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