I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
