sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
