I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
